Show Notes

Episode 104. You Are Good: Even When You Don't Feel Like It

Episode 104. You Are Good: Even When You Don't Feel Like It

"You, friend, listening to this, watching this right now, you are good. Period."
~ Pat Millea

  • What's the real difference between failing at something and believing you are a failure?

  • Why does the world have a vested interest in convincing you your worth is something you have to go earn?

  • What happens when you build your identity on your mission instead of on your relationship with God?

In episode 104 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea sit with a truth most of us know in our heads but rarely trust in our hearts: you are good, not because of what you do, but because of who made you. Kenna opens up about a moment in spiritual direction that cracked something open for her, realizing that failing has to do with her actions, but shame goes deeper, straight to her sense of being.

They walk through a simple framework from their own spiritual direction called RIM: relationship, identity, and mission, moving clockwise like the rim of a bowl. Relationship with God comes first, identity flows from that relationship, and mission flows from identity. Most of us live it backwards, chasing our mission first and letting our performance tell us who we are, which is exactly how one bad meeting, one lost client, or one hard parenting moment convinces us we're worthless.

Pat shares a story from his years in youth ministry about a student whose entire identity was wrapped up in sports, and what happened to that identity the moment a torn ACL took the sport away. They also get into the difference between true humility and the "fishing for compliments" version so many Christians default to, and close with two of their favorite lines on identity, one from Aslan in Prince Caspian, and one from a fifth century doctor of the church named Peter Chrysologus.

Show Notes

  • Our identity comes from who we are and whose we are, not what we do

  • Relationship → Identity → Mission

  • Our Mission (what we do) flows from our Identity (who we are), which is rooted in a Relationship with God our loving Father

  • Pope Francis’s first interview when asked “Who is Jorge Mario Bergoglio?”: “I am a sinner. This the most accurate definition. It is not a figure of speech, a literary genre. I am a sinner.”

  • “You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve," said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth. Be content.”

    • Aslan in Prince Caspian, C.S. Lewis

  • “Christ’s birth was not necessity, but an expression of omnipotence, a sacrament of piety for the redemption of men. He who made man without generation from pure clay made man again and was born from a pure body. The hand that assumed clay to make our flesh deigned to assume a body for your salvation. That the Creator is in his creature and God is in the flesh brings dignity to man without dishonor to him who made him.

    Why then, man, are you so worthless in your own eyes and yet so precious to God? Why render yourself such dishonor when you are honored by him?”

    • St. Peter Chrysologus

Challenge By Choice

Spend a few minutes a day in quiet with the Lord, going back to that primary Relationship

  • Allow your Identity and your Mission to flow from your Relationship with Him

  • “Who am I?” and “What am I supposed to do?” are always a result of God’s love for you

  • This isn’t about doing anything specific or crucial; it’s about being a child of God and living out that truth in every situation

Reflection Questions

For personal reflection or group discussion

  1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?

  2. When do you feel valuable & worthy? What do you feel unworthy and lacking value?

  3. Is your sense of identity and worth attached to your mission (the things you do)? What are the symptoms you see of that?

  4. What has the Lord said to you about your inherent goodness and dignity? How does His love differ from what the world tells you about your worth?

  5. What is one way that you could return to your relationship with God and let your identity and mission flow from Him?