Show Notes

Episode 105. How to Survive (and Actually Thrive) in the Early Years of Parenthood

Episode 105. How to Survive (and Actually Thrive) in the Early Years of Parenthood

"Day after day after day, you and I would just wake up and feel like we were underwater. Could not get our head above water, could barely breathe."
~ Pat Millea

  • What does it actually take to survive the "fog of war" years of early parenthood without losing yourself or your marriage?

  • Why might letting go of your own standards, like a spotless house or a specific parenting method, be the healthiest thing you can do for your family?

  • What's the one practice Pat and Kenna almost let slip that ended up holding their marriage together?

In episode 105 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea open up their playbook for surviving, and even thriving, in the trenches of early parenthood. Drawing on their own experience raising seven kids, they talk honestly about the season a friend once called "the fog of war," the disorienting, sleep deprived stretch where you can't seem to get your head above water.

From there, they walk through seven hard won practicals: holding firm to your values when everything feels chaotic, finding your own family's "clean spectrum," knowing when to take advice and when to let it roll off your back, outsourcing what you can without guilt, and protecting the handful of moments each day that actually shape your family's culture.

They close with the two habits that quietly hold their marriage together in the middle of it all: going on dates, and praying together daily, even when it's just a Hail Mary before falling asleep.

This episode is for anyone in the thick of parenting little kids who has wondered if they're doing it right, or anyone who remembers that season and wants to look back on it with a little more grace.

Show Notes

  1. Holding firm to your values and letting go of lesser values

    • NO ONE can “have it all”: something’s got to give, so make sure it’s something you want to give

  2. “Clean” is a spectrum

    • What’s the most “clean” that you can reasonably expect in this season of life?

      • Talk about it with your spouse and clarify expectations & tasks

  3. What to do with others’ advice

    • Be humble & open to the insight of people who know you and your children

    • Be suspicious of advice from people who do NOT know you or your children

    • “Test everything, retain what is good.” (1 Thess. 5:21)

  4. Delivery or drive up for groceries

  5. Commit your energy to the times of day that “weigh more”

    • Like mornings, dinnertime & bedtime

  6. GO ON DATES!!

    • “The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” ~ Fr. Theodore Hesburgh

  7. Pray together every day

Challenge By Choice

Pick one of the proposed practicals and enact it in your family!

  • Which one of these practicals might help your family know greater peace, joy, and freedom?

  • Be rightly skeptical of these suggestions and only implement the ones that make sense for your family!

Reflection Questions

For personal reflection or group discussion

  1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?

  2. What specific parts of parenting young children feel most overwhelming? What are the greatest joys?

  3. When do you find it difficult do stay true to your values as an individual and as a family? What do you do when your values are tested?

  4. How do you respond to advice from others? Are you more likely to take others’ advice too readily or to be closed off to advice?

  5. What times of the day “weigh more” for you and your children? How might you commit more focus to those times?