Show Notes

Episode 108. What "Offering It Up" Actually Means (And When It Isn't Healthy)

Episode 108. What "Offering It Up" Actually Means (And When It Isn't Healthy)

"Getting help and offering it up are not mutually exclusive." ~ Pat Millea

  • Does "offering it up" mean you're not allowed to also go to the doctor, take medication, or see a therapist?

  • Is it possible to chase suffering in a way that's actually about proving something to yourself instead of uniting yourself to Christ?

  • Where's the line between the grit that gets you through a hard season and the grit that's quietly eroding you?

In episode 108 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea take on a phrase most Catholics have heard their whole lives but rarely stop to unpack: offering it up. Rather than presenting a tidy answer, they treat this episode as a genuine exploration, working through scripture, papal writing, and their own uncertainty to figure out what this phrase actually means and where it can go wrong.

They start with Colossians 1:24 and the concept of redemptive suffering, the idea that our suffering, when united to Christ's, takes on a meaning it wouldn't have on its own. From there they turn to Pope John Paul II's Salvifici Doloris and Pope Benedict XVI's Spe Salvi to wrestle with a harder question: is it ever unholy to try to reduce your own suffering, or is chasing pain itself, without love, its own kind of distortion?

The conversation gets especially honest around the danger of over-suffering, the belief that if you're not in constant discomfort you're somehow failing spiritually, and the very real ways this thinking can keep people stuck in bad jobs, unhealthy relationships, or situations they have every reason to leave. They land on a distinction they return to throughout the episode: getting help and offering it up are not mutually exclusive.

This episode is for anyone who has felt guilty for wanting relief, or anyone who has used the phrase "offer it up" without fully knowing what they meant by it.

Show Notes

  • Colossians 1:24: “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church”

  • Luke 9:23: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”

  • Romans 8:16–17: “The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if only we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him.”

  • “In the Cross of Christ not only is the Redemption accomplished through suffering, but also human suffering itself has been redeemed” (Salvifici Doloris §19)

  • “Does this mean that the Redemption achieved by Christ is not complete? No. It only means that the Redemption, accomplished through satisfactory love, remains always open to all love expressed in human suffering.” (Spe Salvi §24)

  • “In the Body of Christ, which is ceaselessly born of the Cross of the Redeemer, it is precisely suffering permeated by the spirit of Christ's sacrifice that is the irreplaceable mediator and author of the good things which are indispensable for the world's salvation. It is suffering, more than anything else, which clears the way for the grace which transforms human souls. Suffering, more than anything else, makes present in the history of humanity the powers of the Redemption.” (Spe Salvi §27)

  • Priest with a broken leg to Pope St. John Paul II: “I broke my leg. Can I please have your blessing?” John Paul replied: “Don’t waste your suffering.” The Holy Father raised his hand, blessed the priest, and then with an open palm, thumped the priest on the head.

  • “Certainly we must do whatever we can to reduce suffering: to avoid as far as possible the suffering of the innocent; to soothe pain; to give assistance in overcoming mental suffering. These are obligations both in justice and in love, and they are included among the fundamental requirements of the Christian life and every truly human life.” (Spe Salvi §36)

  • “It is not by sidestepping or fleeing from suffering that we are healed, but rather by our capacity for accepting it, maturing through it and finding meaning through union with Christ, who suffered with infinite love.” (SS §37)

Challenge By Choice

  • Consider a suffering that you’re going through right now

  • Make an interior spiritual over to connect that suffering to the Cross

Connect a current suffering to the Cross

Reflection Questions

For personal reflection or group discussion

  1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?

  2. When have you head or used the phrase “offer it up”? Does it strike you as true, or problematic, or both?

  3. Do you find it easy or natural to connect your suffering to the Cross? When is it difficult for you?

  4. When have you seen the reality of redemptive suffering prevent people from seeking out support or attempting to alleviate their suffering? Why do you think that is?

  5. What does God desire from you in the midst of your suffering? How can you respond with love?