Show Notes

Episode 69. Active Listening w/ Addy Diaz

Episode 69. Active Listening w/ Addy Diaz

Podcast episode cover featuring a smiling woman with glasses, titled 'Active Listening with Addy Diaz, Episode 69,' includes a play button and audio waveform. Branding reads: 'This Whole Life, Seeking Sanity and Sanctity.'

"True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept."
~ Henri Nouwen

Why is it so hard to listen well to others?
Why am I so pained when others don't listen to me?
Can I become a better & more active listener?

In this episode of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna welcome guest Addy Diaz to explore the art of active listening. Delving into how active listening fosters deeper connections and empathy, Addy shares insights from her experience in clinical counseling and ministry. The discussion highlights the importance of being present and attentive to others' stories, avoiding common pitfalls like bringing conversations back to oneself or offering unsolicited advice. Addy discusses practical "Dos" and "Don'ts", such as eliminating distractions and reflecting feelings and posture, to enhance one's listening skills and connection to others. Through engaging anecdotes and relatable scenarios, this episode emphasizes the transformative power of truly hearing others and provides listeners with tools to become better listeners.

Addy Diaz is a Masters Level Clinician seeking advanced licensure as a Licensed Practicing Clinical Counselor. Addy holds a Master of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from the University of Mary in Bismarck, ND. She received her undergraduate degree in Communications from Northern State University in Aberdeen, SD. Addy is passionate about integrating the truths of the Christian faith and the realities of mental health for a holistic understanding of the person. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with friends, brewing kombucha, gardening, and playing music. 

Show Notes

Infographic on active listening showing "Do's" and "Don'ts." The "Do's" include asking questions and affirming feelings. The "Don'ts" include bringing the story back to yourself and minimizing experiences. Logo at bottom reads "Martin Center for Integration."
Illustration titled 'Layers of a Story' depicting a tree, grass, and soil layers. Text includes 'Content,' 'Feeling,' and 'Meaning' with examples: 'She said x,y,z about me,' 'I feel embarrassed by that interaction,' 'I am not lovable.' Logo: Martin Center for Integration."

  • Here’s one of the studies that shows the way that having your phone within arm’s reach during a conversation harms the relationship

  • Active listening is not just sitting there, it’s interacting with a person I love as they share

  • Active listening invites the speaker to unfold their story more, to entrust more of their story to me

  • It can be really hard to actively listen when someone is coming from a place that’s different from me

    • If someone is sharing good news but I’m in a sour, bitter mood

    • When someone is sharing difficult things and I’m tempted to just push them past the hardship into grace or a silver lining

  • The more I can detach from the content and the information, the more connected I can be to the person

  • The Do’s & Don’ts of Active Listening

    • Don’t: bring the story back to you

      • Do: reflect back the meaning of what they’re sharing with you

    • Don’t: try to move past the Passion straight to a Resurrection

      • Do: sit with someone in the hardship of their Passion stage

    • Don’t: tell someone “At least…”, trying to create a silver lining

      • Do: affirm how someone is feeling about the suffering they’re experiencing

    • Don’t: minimize someone’s struggles or suffering

      • Do: ask them what this struggle means to them or how it’s affecting them

        • “What is it like to be you?”

    • Don’t: look at your phone, the TV, the clock, etc.

      • Do: avoid distractions

    • Don’t: face away from the person or use disconnected body language

      • Do: mirror the person’s body position

    • Don’t: educate

      • Do: try and understand where they’re coming from, and educate later

      • Any advice that isn’t asked for is criticism.

        • Fr. Mike Schmitz

    • Using the Miracle Question: “If you could perform a miracle that would make this situation exactly the way you want it to be, what would you change?”

Brené Brown on Empathy

Adam Young on Engaging Someone’s Story

Pat had the website slightly wrong, but visitaberdeensd.com DOES exist 🌴

Aerial view of a go-kart track in Aberdeen, South Dakota, featured on a travel website. Includes "Welcome to Aberdeen, South Dakota" text and options to eat, play, stay, and plan your trip. Contact info and travel guide request are visible.

Challenge By Choice

Keep someone else talking for at least one minute.

  • Practice the art of genuine & active interest in someone else’s life and story

  • Don’t bring the conversation back to youself, or “At least…”, or other Don’ts from this episode

  • What is that experience like for you? Was it easier and harder than you thought? How did it serve you and the other person well?

Reflection Questions

For personal reflection or group discussion

  1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?

  2. On a scale from 1-10, how skilled are you at active listening? Have you become better or worse over time?

  3. When have you had an experience of being heard well and with love? What did that mean to you?

  4. What is hard about active listening in your relationships? What are the temptations or distractions?

  5. What is one way you will work to become a better listener?