Show Notes

Episode 88. The Window of Tolerance

Episode 88. The Window of Tolerance

"If you find that you have wandered away from the shelter of God, lead your heart back to Him quietly and simply."
~ St. Francis de Sales

What is wrong with me that I feel so overwhelmed sometimes?
Why do I freeze up and struggle to process stress?
How can I get back to my authentic self and respond instead of react?

In Episode 88 of This Whole Life, Pat & Kenna dive deep into the concept of the “Window of Tolerance” — a foundational model for understanding emotional regulation and navigating stress. Blending faith and mental health insights, they explore how our window of tolerance shapes daily reactions, especially during times of stress or change. Kenna breaks down Dr. Dan Siegel’s model, describing the differences between living within and outside our window, and offering practical strategies for getting back to our authentic self. The hosts share personal stories about family, parenting, and marriage, making the science relatable for listeners. They discuss how to expand your window, respond with compassion (to self and others), and why reflecting on your patterns is a game-changer. Perfect for anyone feeling overwhelmed and seeking practical, soul-nourishing ways to regain balance, this episode is both insightful and encouraging.

Show Notes

  • If everyone’s full range of emotional response to the world around us is a scale from 1-10, then a person’s Window of Tolerance might be between 4 and 7.

  • Above someone’s Window of Tolerance is what we could call “hyper-arousal”: a heightened neurobiological response, characterized by increased activity, volume of voice, etc.

  • Below someone’s Window of Tolerance is what we might call “hypo-arousal”: a lowered or depressed neurobiological response, characterized by rigidity and a lessened physical & emotional response

  • Different people will always have a different Window of Tolerance due to both nature & nurture, and someone’s inherent ability to tolerate stress & data is not a moral good or evil

  • Living in my Window of Tolerance, and returning to it when I find myself outside of it, means that I’ll be able to RESPOND to the world and not simply REACT to the world

  • When I’m in my Window of Tolerance, I’m living as an integrated person and can function within the acronym FACES:

    • Flexible

    • Adaptive

    • Coherent

    • Energized

    • Stable

  • Getting back inside my Window of Tolerance requires an opposite activity: movement & sensory input if I’m below my Window, and deep breaths and calm, grounding stances if I’m above my Window

  • Growing in resilience is a matter of intentionally widening my Window of Tolerance, often through safe exposure to distressing things

    • Part of parenting is intentionally putting our children in positions where they will be uncomfortable and learn to overcome difficulty, grow in resilience, and gain confidence & competence

  • Did Jesus have a completely open Window of Tolerance? Who knows. :)

  • For even more information about the Window of Tolerance, check out this article or the work of Dr. Dan Siegel

  • If you’re interested in the Bright Method, check out Kelly Nolan’s work

It IS Will Smith & his son 😂

Challenge By Choice

  • Every day for a week, graph your Window of Tolerance from morning to evening

  • For example:

Graph your Window of Tolerance every day for a week

Reflection Questions

For personal reflection or group discussion

  1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?

  2. What do you think of the Window of Tolerance model? How do you see it in your life?

  3. What pushes you out of your Window? How do you know when you're above or below the Window of Tolerance?

  4. How do you get back in your Window when you find yourself outside it?

  5. What does God have to say about the moments when you're overwhelmed and outside of your Window of Tolerance?