Show Notes


Episode 30. Conquering Contempt

Episode 30. Conquering Contempt

"All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ."
~ Ephesians 4:31-32


On the wedding day, most couples can't imagine ever treating their spouse with contempt. But in this broken world, we know that so many marriages suffer with belittling speech and actions. How does a marriage devolve into habits of contempt, and what are the antidotes to get the relationship back on track?

Drawing from their own experiences and insights from relationship expert John Gottman, Kenna and Pat discuss the third - and most dangerous - of Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" for marriages: Contempt. They discuss the power of positive interactions, not only through words but also through body language and gestures of love and warmth. Reflecting on personal stories and Scripture, they shed light on the damaging effects of contempt and its connection to feelings of superiority and inadequacy. Tune in to discover practical tips and ideas for cultivating healthy, kind, and contempt-free relationships in this relatable and encouraging episode.

Show Notes

  • Contempt is about communicating superiority

  • Contempt is the most harmful of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalype” for marriages

    • Dr. Gottman calls it the “sulphuric acid” for love

  • The antidotes to contempt are:

    1. Expressing how I’m feeling to my spouse in a way that isn’t accusatory or blaming

    2. Creating a culture of appreciation through affirmation, affectionate touch, etc.

Dr. John Gottman reflecting on Contempt in marriages

The podcast for the daily Mass readings that the Millea family uses to pray on the way to school 👆🏻

And just to get you pumped up like we do for school days & Notre Dame football games, here’s Shipping Up To Boston by the Dropkick Murphys 🤘🏻☘️

Challenge By Choice

Develop a culture of appreciation in your relationship

  • Write down three things that you love & appreciate about your spouse or partner on a post-it note

  • Stick this note of love & appreciation where they’ll see it around the house