• You (and your marriage) are made for FAR more than utilitarian connection with your spouse 

• Marriage is a miracle effected by God, and a couple participates in that miracle by submitting their nature to God’s grace: “Grace perfects nature”

• The research & work of Dr. John Gottman

  • Happy marriages maintain the magic ratio: 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions in times of conflict. “Marriage masters” have a 20:1 positive:negative interaction ratio

• Going on dates brings us back to reality: dating reminds you of the truth, goodness and beauty of your spouse.  Stepping away from the financial concerns, the house projects, the parenting challenges…that IS reality.  All of those things are actually the concerns of this world and those will fade away.  But being reminded of the awesome, unique soul God called you to be with…that’s reality. 

• Life is so much easier to handle when I’m in a good place with my spouse.  It doesn’t change any of the facts…but my perspective changes.  I feel safe, secure, connected, protected.  

• “Marriage, as a vocation, calls you to steer a tiny boat – wave-tossed yet sturdy, thanks to the reality of the sacrament – across a sometimes stormy sea. How often do you want to say, or better, cry out, like the apostles: ‘Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?’ (Mk 4:38). Let us never forget, though, that by virtue of the sacrament of matrimony, Jesus is present in that boat; he is concerned for you and he remains at your side amid the tempest.”
  - Pope Francis, in a letter to married couples the day after Christmas, 2021

  • Jesus is always with us in the storm; how deeply do we need to make time to stay connected to one another in the storm and to cry out to Jesus together?

• Love is not love without sacrifice; even date nights demand sacrifice

  • “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her…” (Ephesians 5:25)

• God’s preferred method of communicating love is his physical presence, the Incarnation

  • Our love for one another will always be incarnational

  • This is one reason that technology is an obstacle on date nights, it diminishes our physical presence

• Common obstacles:

  • dating takes effort: fatigue

  • inspiring content for conversation

  • unresolved conflict 

  • practical: time, money

Date night practicals:

• Agree on a reasonable goal (e..g, 1x/month, every other Saturday, etc.)

• Discuss spending & saving: in-house dates (2 person games, drinks & dinner at home), childcare swap, allowing other generations to help (younger kids who bring a friend, empty nesters who don’t necessarily need/want payment)

• Going out after kids are tucked in to avoid the stress of setting up a sitter with dinner & bedtime

• Ideas for conversation: listen to a podcast, audiobook, new album, go to an art museum (enlist a stimulus that provides the conversation starter)

• Include prayer time: Rosary on the way, starting with Adoration or Mass

• Use resources that others provide: Gottman’s Eight Dates, parish Cana dinner, a movie that offers genuine conversations & connection, etc.