Show Notes

Episode 81. Take Back Control of Your Life

Episode 81. Take Back Control of Your Life

"For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery."
~ Galatians 5:1

What if I didn't sign up for the life I have?
What does my life feel so out of control?
Why do I feel trapped in the life I'm leading?

In Episode 81 of This Whole Life, hosts Pat & Kenna Millea dive deep into what it really means to take control of your life — especially when things aren't going the way you thought they would. This episode explores the broader theme of agency: why so many people feel stuck in passive roles and how modern life — through technology, cultural pressures, and even spiritual ideals — can erode our sense of freedom. Packed with personal stories and practical wisdom, Pat and Kenna explore real strategies for reclaiming healthy agency, embracing flexibility, and living an integrated life in faith and mental health. 

This episode also offers some raw reflections on the tragic shooting at Annunciation Catholic School in Minneapolis, as well as highlights of their new Figuring It Out course for those seeking meaningful change. Because truly, freedom and agency are especially important when things don't go the way we planned. Join us for this heartfelt and honest conversation.

Show Notes

  • Common falsehoods about sex in marriage include:

    • Men have a higher libido than women ❌

    • Only men, and all men, struggle with lust ❌

    • Frequency of sex is the most important thing ❌

  • The beauty of a sex life in marriage is a reflection of God’s creative goodness

  • Our sexual relationship with our spouse isn’t the place that our worth comes from

    • Which is difficult to accept, because so often our identity is tied to our sexuality

  • “…sex, while it can be a place of connection, is not capable of fully satisfying your love needs.”

  • “Obligation sex” is when one spouse feels required to agree to sex at any given time for any number of reasons: they believe it’s their duty, they think it will guarantee a loving marriage, etc.

  • When “obligation sex” is part of a marriage:

    • Women are 18.6 times more likely to say that they could take it or leave it when it comes to sex

    • Women are 3.6 times less likely to believe that their opinions are just as important as their husband's

    • Women are 1.8 times more likely to experience vaginismus (painful sex)

  • On the other hand, women who believe that their voice matters in the marriage are nine times more likely to be satisfied with their amount of closeness.

  • The rates of obligation sex are higher in religious marriages.

  • Check out Figuring It Out, an amazing live online course to help adults grow in the skills to live with healthy minds, relationships and habits

Challenge By Choice

  1. Check out Figuring It Out, a live online course for healthy minds, relationships & habits

  2. Take back control in one key area of your life

  • What is one area of your life in which you have lost, or given up, control & agency?

  • What can you do to reclaim agency in that area?

  • How can you choose the best way forward when it comes to that thing / relationship / activity / duty?

Reflection Questions

For personal reflection or group discussion

  1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?

  2. Are there areas of life in which you feel trapped? How do you know?

  3. What does it look like to live in healthy freedom? When have you lived in healthy freedom?

  4. Are there things in your life that you feel like you "have to" or "should" do instead of actively choosing? What could you do differently?

  5. How can you choose to engage with your life in a way that lines up with your values?